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When my workplace discrimination fight started, I didn’t think about what winning meant — I didn’t even know I was starting a fight against discrimination. I just knew something was off.
Once I realized I was fighting against discrimination, I believed it was possible to win this fight, but only because I hadn’t yet asked myself what “winning” would look like. What would make me feel better about what happened? Was there any punishment that would make me feel like justice had been served?
It turns out the answer was nothing and no. To better explain, I’ll cover some of the “wins” I’ve experienced in my fight against workplace discrimination.
Win 1: Legal Representation and Fighting Discrimination
It doesn’t feel like winning when you retain an attorney, even if they’re working on contingency. Yes, it’s a relief to have someone in your corner — especially when you no longer trust anyone internally to protect you.
But it also means the fight has escalated and enough damage has been done that your attorney believes there’s recovery owed for the emotional and financial toll you’ve suffered.
Unfortunately, as you go through the legal process, you realize that not only are internal policies designed to protect the employer, but the legal system itself feels stacked against you. The emotional and mental weight of what’s happened becomes overwhelming, and the discussion around compensation starts to feel hollow.
You’re barely holding it together mentally, you’re emotionally drained, and your career may never be the same. You know money won’t erase the sleepless nights, the anxiety, or the deep sense of injustice.
You want accountability. You want an apology. You want acknowledgement. You want them to listen and promise this will never happen to anyone else again. Or if not, you want the consequences to be significant enough that they’ll never do this again, but the truth is it’s unlikely the employer will change no matter what the outcome is.
And besides, how can you possibly figure out an appropriate dollar amount for the harm done to not only your career so far, but your future prospects as your career feels frozen in place while you keep fighting? If you've also lost any sense of joy and motivation for the work you once loved it can begin to feel like no dollar amount will be enough.
Win 2: Terminations
There have been multiple people who left my employer since this fight started:
A Director I filed an HR complaint against abruptly “moved on” while I was on FMLA
A VP was laid off after I exposed the manipulative role she played in my fight to her boss
A Senior VP whom I escalated to three times — including weeks before I was forced to leave announced his retirement shortly after a post I made about the discrimination went viral. He will be replaced by a female.
A Director who continued the retaliation after his peer was fired left months after that same post went viral.
These are the facts, but the role I played in their terminations and departures is speculation. Though many have speculated to me in private that I was in fact the cause for all of them.
But even if it’s true that I was the cause of their departures, they are not “wins” I want attributed to me. Why? Because all it means is we all lost something when none of us had to lose anything had they not responded the way they had.
Is there a momentary feeling of justice in their exits? Maybe. But it’s fleeting and shallow. Their job loss cannot and will not restore what I lost. The career I spent 20 years building, the 1+ year I spent in a void of depression, and the passion for a career that was fueled by a belief in the possibility of the American Dream. I don’t know if I’ll get any of that back, but I know that others losing their jobs has done nothing to make up for any of it.
Win 3: Damage to the Brand
I didn’t speak out against my company for a “win.” In fact, it was only in my defeat and in believing I had nothing left to lose, that I found the courage to make one last stand.
You see, I had decided that I wouldn’t hide the reason I left from future employers, even though I knew that saying the word “discrimination” would mark me as a risk according to most future potential employers.
And since this meant I was unlikely to find future employment anyways, I decided there was no additional damage to be done by sharing my story publicly in an attempt to prevent the company’s HR from gaslighting other employee’s and making them feel like they were the first or they were the only. I figured if nothing else, I could limit someone else’s suffering and prevent someone else from feeling so alone.
Then LinkedIn did something amazing — through the power of a community who believed me and amplified my voice, that post was seen by over 1 million people.
I’m not naive enough to think I made a lasting impact on a company that would rather dismiss me as a problem, but I have become a lifeline to those who continue to reach out to me when they experience the same treatment at my former employer.
It has also allowed me to connect with so many individuals experiencing discrimination, allowing me to build relationships and be a support to so many more people than I ever thought possible.
Of the outcomes I’ve influenced, this one feels the most like a true win. However, the win does not come from another individual’s or entity’s lost, but rather from what I have gained in terms of connections I never would have made otherwise.
You want accountability. You want an apology. You want acknowledgement. You want them to listen and promise this will never happen to anyone else again.
What An Actual Win Would Look Like
An apology. Acknowledgement of the harm done.
But I’ve accepted that is unlikely to come, so instead I will settle for the day when I stop hearing from people at the company who commiserate and finally hear from the one who tells me the company listened and they finally did better. Maybe I’m naive, but I still hope this day comes.
And in the meantime, I’m focused on creating my own win by building something good from the harm I’ve experienced with JustiProof. We’ve created a ton of free resources that help employees fight back against discrimination including:
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